Our son turned 4 last month. I didn’t think too much of the age change. Cenzo has always been slightly delayed due to his premature birth, so we don’t look at age very closely. We look at milestones and developments, and as they come, they come. We champion and celebrate each one, no matter how long it takes, or what age it happens. We don’t worry about what is typical. We are absolutely proud of every single challenge and obstacle he has overcome in his short life and we know he still has many more to conquer.

His speech therapist recently said to me that he is “academically advanced” and already has most of his preschool skills. That was an amazing thing to hear and I almost burst with pride.

I see him as my baby, even though he proudly proclaims he’s a big boy, to which I must agree. And I didn’t realize how big that baby was getting until I sent in a deposit to his upcoming preschool. Ever since I mailed that check, my heart has been beating faster.

When my husband and I drop him off that first day in September, it will be impossible to hold back tears. I cry just thinking about it now, and it’s months and months away.

My baby is not a baby. He’s a preschooler. He’s ready to listen to a teacher, follow routines, meet friends, sharpen his skills, learn new ones. He’s growing up, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

While some are so naturally gifted at being that quintessential supermom, I sometimes struggle to find my place. I run my business and strive so hard to maintain the right balance between business and parenting.

I wrote in my mom’s Mother’s Day card (and she’s the best mom on this Earth) that I was thankful for her advice and guidance as I stumble through motherhood, because that’s how I feel a lot of the time. I never feel like I give enough, do enough, am there enough. I’ve made mistakes and wish I had done some things differently, but then again I don’t.

I look at our Cenzo and he’s really the picture of polite. He’s caring and feels deeply for others. He says please and thank you. He waits his turn. He smiles and waves at all. He would never tell a child they couldn’t play with him. He has open arms and an open heart. He has taught me a lot about true kindness and love.

Since I work from home, I know my life will be a bit easier when he goes to school, but I will miss him so much. For those few hours a week that he is gone, the house will be far too quiet, a deafening silence. I will write. I will work. But, I will never be the same, because my little one, my star, my best friend, will be growing up and changing in his new world.

I know all parents struggle with their kids going to school. It’s life changing. If anyone has any advice, please let me know how you got through those first few weeks!

For now, it’s a focus on the Summer. Vacation and time with family and friends, soaking up the sun, and enjoying these last few months of true mommy and Cenzo time, before school begins.

Yesterday we read some books and Cenzo fell asleep in my arms. It was the middle of the day, and he never naps anymore, so it was a welcome surprise. I covered him with his blanket and came over to write this blog. I kept glancing over at him and thinking that no matter what, he will forever and always be my baby. I love you, my son.