I’m sitting at my computer working, blasting classical music through my earbuds, kids are screaming, my brows are furrowed and I’m brooding. That is the exact word that came to my mind about how I felt and when I looked up the exact definition, I was even more sure it was the correct word:
Imagine the start of a movie, the camera slowly panning up a mountain to reveal some massive, dark castle that sits atop, a piano concerto playing in the background when the camera finally focuses on the giant window to show a crazy, old woman dressed in all black furiously typing on her typewriter.
It’s me. I’m the crazy, old woman.
I’m not wearing all black, yet the undoneness of my hair and make-up is scary enough. I am not sitting in a castle, just a raised ranch with not enough space for two energetic boys, a husband working across the table, and me. I am not on a typewriter, just my 10-year-old iMac with 30,000 + photos and videos on it that I wonder daily how it keeps working.
I am trying to write websites that are due, but client work is not coming out. Just this blog is coming out.
My distractions are heavy these days, my mood is sinking and trying to remain positive comes and goes in waves.
My energy is low. My patience is slim. But you know what is getting me through right now, writing THIS. My feelings don’t pour out of my mouth as easily as I would like them to, but they flow out of my fingertips.
I’ve shared this quote so many times, but Hemingway SAID IT BEST.
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”
I am doing just that right now. Brooding and all, every click of this keyboard is making me feel more and more alive. The crescendo of this beautiful music is aligning perfectly with the speed of my typing. Word vomit is needed. It’s cleansing my soul.
The music isn’t just drowning out the children and my husband typing, it’s making me feel joy inside. Yet, it’s also making me sad. I miss my family. I miss them terribly right now. I miss my friends. I miss HUGS. I miss life as we knew it.
I’m a Gemini, an Enneagram 3. I need people, communication, interaction. These are the things that inspire me and keep me motivated. I get my best ideas during a night on the town or a visit with the crew.
I can’t foresee the future and I don’t know when anything will look different or better, but I can write through these feelings. You might exercise through yours, or cook, or paint, or build, or dance. Keep pushing through.
If you feel the wave of sadness, let it come, then let it pass. Do something for somebody else and you will instantly feel better. I’m going to text a bunch of people right now and tell them how much I miss them and share a memory. I hope it will make their day and it will get me out of this slump.
The inspiration to finish my work will come. I will share this blog and I will go back to the ‘real’ work and the words will suddenly come.
This is just my feelings by the way. I know MANY others are dealing with FAR worse and I feel for them immensely. All my love and support to the world working so hard out there. THANK YOU.
I just wanted to share a moment with you right now.
Today, it’s classical music, an oversized sweatshirt, a messy bun, coffee on top of coffee, deep breaths and WRITING.
What is keeping your soul refreshed these days?