I’m a control freak. I admit that with no hesitation. I know it’s a problem, but it’s my problem. Don’t worry about it. I’ll handle it. OOPS. There I go again. Trying to control everything. I’m fighting with my own thoughts now.
But yesterday, just for a day, I decided to relinquish that control freaki-ness on a trip to the mall with my little one. I knew I needed to go to Yankee Candle. I had a coupon (you know my obsession with coupons) but that was all I knew. I had no idea or plan on what I wanted to buy. That doesn’t normally happen with me. I’m the type of person who researches everything before they make a purchase. I’m the type of person who has calendars and whiteboards and legal pads of notes and events and things I need to do, because I’m ridiculously organized in a scary way.
I can see the look of WTF on my husband’s face when I go on one of my rants, “We need to stop here, and get a sitter for this day, and we need stamps, and we all need new outfits for those photos, and…yada, yada, here’s our agenda for FOREVER.
Sometimes I HATE the way that I am. I wish I could let others make plans, but I always seem to take the lead. I was always the “leader” in group projects, the friend that calls the other friends to plan get-togethers. I was the “mom” in the group, before I was the actual mom, and it’s gotten worse as I’ve gotten older.
But now, I’ve put myself into this role, and people expect it. My family looks to me when it comes to planning outings. They know I’ve already researched mileage, coupons, restaurants, planned our itinerary, chosen where we will stop to take photos. They laugh at me, but they secretly love my planning essence. I hope, lol.
But back to yesterday. I just didn’t want to be in charge. I didn’t want to make any decisions. I wanted someone to tell me what to do, guide me. I wanted to let someone else be me for the day, and boy did I LOVE that feeling.
Normally when a sales associate comes up to me in a store, I thank them, but tell them I know what I am looking for, because I honestly always do. But when the woman came up to me yesterday and asked if I needed help, I said yes. I even felt strange saying that, but she was so amazing, and I’m glad I had the chance to speak with her.
She was ON IT, when it came to helping me find what I wanted (which was weird, because I didn’t know what I wanted). In about 15 minutes, we had went over several products, and I found myself just saying yes to everything she showed me. It felt good to be led, and to trust someone’s opinions and expertise. She got me over the amount I needed to spend for my coupon and even talked me into buying an extra candle at the end because it was on sale. I NEVER give in to things like this, but I walked out of there with my bag of scents feeling empowered.
Now of course today I am looking at the receipt and wondering how the hell I spent that much on candles, but honestly, sometimes it feels good to just let go and do something crazy. Be someone else for a day. If you’re the control freak, let someone else make a plan. They may surprise you. We can’t do it all ourselves, and we shouldn’t try.