My Microwave Is Creaking!

I’ve figured out about how long it takes for all those amazing and new wedding shower gifts to become OLD. Right around seven years is the magic number, and after a quick review of my current kitchen situation, I thought I’d share what’s going on in there for nothing more than your amusement.

It all starts with our microwave, which actually wasn’t a shower gift, but was new seven years ago, so it fits in the time frame. It now creaks every time I run it. Literally CREAKS. It sounds like someone walking up the steps in a horror film, and I’m pretty sure I even saw it “Harlem Shake” a little, as well. It’s lost all of its “Kenny Powers” and now it takes me more than a minute to get my coffee to that steamy goodness I love so much. I know this is very long, because after a recent trip to my moms, her microwave took 10 seconds to reach the same pinnacle.

Next up, the blender, which I think was a shower gift. It still works, which is a plus, but we somehow lost the little black topper that goes into the lid, so now when we use it, we have to put foil on top so the contents don’t spray all over the place. I’m pretty sure this blender could make an appearance in Riff Raff”s next rap video: Rap Game Foil Blender. I actually love Riff Raff and I’m pretty sure my husband is the only other person reading this that will get that reference, so that’s for you, Justin.

Neighbors to the blender is our toaster, also a gift. It used to be a stainless steel, four slice, controlled temperature, great little machine. Now it looks more rusted than anything, the knobs are all stuck in the same position, and I have to cook each toast/bagel/waffle/pastry at different intervals to get them hot. For instance, my bagel is 1.5 pushes down. It also incessantly smells like something is burning, and the tray at the bottom that’s supposed to catch all the crumbs, has turned into one giant crumb, and doesn’t even scrape clean anymore. And I’m not sure, but it may actually be stuck forever to the counter top.

Last but not least, the pots and pans. Each one was a beautiful non-stick, lid intact, made for a Chef, quality gift. Now, the ones that are left, have turned to “what won’t stick” and I think we eat more of the pan particles with each taste of our scrambled eggs or bacon. The handles are all loose and I can’t find any lids that actually match. And due to my stove, only four years old, but already more trouble than it’s worth, the pans don’t seem to fit on the burners. They are lopsided and I have to keep moving them onto different areas of the heat to keep things cooking.

You don’t have to feel too bad for me. I do have my brand new, perfectly capable Keurig to lead the other misfit toys and a brand new kitchen faucet that makes doing dishes a much  more enjoyable (if you can call it that) experience.

But you know what, even though these items are past their prime, and we will have to replace them soon, they are still a part of our beginning. Some of the first things we received when we started this crazy journey together, and for that, I’ll be a little sad when they are gone.

So thanks for the memories my little gadgets, here’s to new memories and new appliances hopefully in the VERY NEAR future.

About Tara Darazio

I'm a copywriter, owner of A Passion For The Pen, LLC and host of the Let's Meet For Copy podcast. Contact me at
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6 Responses to My Microwave Is Creaking!

  1. Wayne says:

    Nice Story Tara.

    I’m guessing you can start a new trend of parties…maybe call it the 7 year itch party…then everyone will bring you nice new appliances! Repeat every 7 years and you are good to go!

    I almost replaced a dishwasher 2 times (when we bought the house and a couple years later when we renovated the kitchen) but decided against it. That dishwasher is a wee bit rusty on the racks inside, but keeps cleaning like a champ! “They don’t make things like they used to” says my appliance repairman who said “keep it til it doesn’t work anymore because that thing is a workhorse”.

    I’m on board!

  2. David says:

    Nice to get a little chuckle out among all the tragedy that is this week in the world, great read and writing as usual!

  3. That’s hilarious! We are approaching our 10 year anniversary, and yes, I do believe it was about 3 years ago that we needed to start replacing things. Worn out bath towels and dish towels. Drinking glasses – a 16-pc set… all but 3 were gone. Dishes (not china, I didn’t event go there) all replaced except for the “completer set” pieces that we use maybe 3x a year. I keep joking to my husband that we should “break up” and get divorced, then magically reconcile so we can get remarried and have another shower!

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